She Speaks.. Again

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:44:44 GMT

I usually check the status of my bank accounts on a daily basis. But the past few days I've been reluctant to look, like watching a scary movie through splayed fingers. Depleted. Deflated. Drained. Such sad words... But for a happy cause. T and I bought the house we've been renting for the past 5 years. We're homeowners now! How very adult of us.

I think because we're already well settled in, everything's decorated, and we didn't have to do any moving-of-the-things, it was sort of an anti-climactic experience. We signed the papers a few mornings ago and then we went to work. When we both came home it didn't feel any different. That house has been home for a long time.

So now instead of paying rent to the landlords (T's parents), we'll be writing checks to the bank. Much heftier checks, but we'll get used to it. And I'll get used to the feeling of not being able to pick up and leave at the drop of a hat because I've got these "responsibilities" and "debt coming out my ears." Not that I would ever up and leave... and move to the islands and live in a tent on the beach and sell beaded necklaces to tourists. That thought never crossed my mind. Oh no, never.

;-)

GOTTA PAY THE MORTGAGGGE!

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:36:08 GMT

I haven't updated in a long time. I had to look back to see where I left off.

Ahh yes... The broken ankle adventures. Well, the ankle is still mending, but it's a lot better now that it's had 8 weeks to heal. 4 weeks on crutches, then limping around with the brace. And now I'm weaning myself off the brace. I have to say, health insurance is pretty awesome. I go to a physical therapist twice a week who really kicks my ass into shape. Or ankle, as it were. Lately it's been like a full gym workout, with lots of time on the treadmill and jumping around. Sweating and panting as a well-built gentleman sits there watching you hop on one leg... there's really nothing like it.

I had enough time to heal so that I could leave the crutches at home for our 1-year anniversary vacation:
http://photobucket.com/STJ2008

It's been 10 days since we returned... and the depression of coming back to reality has not subsided. The last few days it has actually gotten worse. I want to wear a bathing suit and flip flops every day, I want to hike through woods with the bugs and the birds, I want to be dirty and sweaty, I want to work on a boat on the waves serving happy people drinks, I want everything to be a 10-minute drive away.

This wearing real clothes, driving in traffic on highways, sitting at desks in air conditioning... It feels wrong. That's the best word for it. And there's no way out. I have to keep reminding myself that I do this so that I can go to the places that feel right. This is what people do. This is life.

Once I start planning a new trip, things will feel better again.

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:34:47 GMT

It has been a trying couple of weeks. A seemingly simple project at work has been stressing me out to limits I promised myself I would never reach again. And on the day it was due to be completed I broke my ankle. Loooovvvvely.

Inspired by the Biggest Loser season finale (go Ali!), and with a trip to St. John looming dangerously close, I decided to start running in the mornings to get my metabolism going, instead of in the evenings. I have attempted to talk myself into this many times in the past, but this time I was really gonna do it. SWEAR!

Amazingly.. I did. On a gorgeous Wednesday morning I got up at 6:30am and started my usual 3 mile jog. It was a little chillier than I'm used to, and I was still a little groggy from sleep, but I was doing it. And it felt good. I got to this short but brutal hill... When I say brutal, I mean it. It's almost impossible to run up this thing, the degree of the angle is so extreme. So I usually walk it. But this time, I was going to run it! GIRL POWER! Just before I started my ascent up this wall of concrete... CRACK! My left ankle rolled over, and that was the horrible cringe-worthy sound it made.

Oh shit.

A flame of adrenaline shocked my whole body. I knew immediately that I was fucked. I can't really remember it, but I somehow walked up that hill, frantically trying to get home. I continued walking, and at some point my senses came back to me... along with the pain. Oh god, the pain. All in all, I walked about 100 yards to the main road where I saw one of my neighbors doing yard work. (Yard work at 7am? Thank you, guardian angel.) Kindly, he offered me a ride and I took it. I was only about 6 houses away from mine, but there was no way I was going to make it.

After about 2 hours in the ER, the doctor told me it was a broken fibula... to my complete surprise. I really just thought it was a bad sprain due to the lack of severe swelling. I was so convinced of it, that I thought he was fucking with me when he said, "Well, there's a break." I even laughed in his face!

I went to see an orthopedist and she confirmed. I needed to hear it from someone else, just in case. She also confirmed that the "sprained ankle" I had 2 years ago was likely a broken bone also. At the time I did not have insurance and never got it checked out. But that one was more painful than this one. So I'm not surprised to hear it was probably broken.

2 broken ankles in 2 years. I need to wrap myself in bubble wrap and sit on the couch.

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:48:01 GMT

One of my favorite days of the entire year is tomorrow... The Red Sox home opener!! I am feeling like a little kid on Christmas eve. Like I could just jump out of my skin, I'm so excited. Funny what a few months can do.

There is no way to put this that doesn't make me sound like an ungrateful snob, but by October of last year I was pretty burnt out on Fenway. WAAAHH, I know. We're lucky enough to have a ticket package that includes all post-season games, which is awesome in theory. And in reality. But what it comes down to is 8-10 games in a matter of 3 weeks. Some weekend nights, some weeknights, with no game starting earlier than 8:00pm... Usually more like 8:30pm. By 11:00pm, I was like... Can we go? Of course we can't GO. The Red Sox are making a run for another World Series victory, and I wanna go. Hmph. I was still invested in the games, sure. I just wanted to be invested from my bed.

After a simultaneously glorious and gut-wrenching Patriots season, a suprisingly exciting Celtics 1st half, and the oversaturation of college hoops in March... I am recharged and ready for baseball season.

The plan is to head into town early to find parking. Walk around the city to enjoy the buzz of the day and the luxury of not being at work. Park ourselves at one of our usual bars for a couple hours, and then head into the Park for the festivities. Weather is going to be chilly, but sunny. I don't care. I'm just so excited to wake up tomorrow!!

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 15:10:24 GMT

Lastnight I had a very vivid dream that Tony and I found out I was pregnant. We looked at eachother like, "Wow, that was easy." We weren't scared or panicked. We were grateful. I was wading in the blue waters of St. John with a little belly pooching out over the top of my bikini bottoms. Tony had his arms around me. We were happy and peaceful and warm.

I woke up and had to tell him right away. He responded, "I think I just threw up."

Ahh reality. It's a real kick in the nuts.

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:38:06 GMT

Happy new year!!

I hope everyone had a fantastic New Year's Eve. Mine was spent at home with my 6 closest buddies, playing Rock Band all night. For those who don't know, the controllers for the game are a drum set, a guitar, and a microphone. It's basically like karaoke with a full band. That game is FUN. But anyway, the only thing that was different than a typical Saturday night was that we took a 5 minute break to do the countdown, champagne toast thing. It was a good time.

I just spent a few minutes going through all my entries from 2007. What a year. Everything was pretty frantic for the first 6 months or so with all the wedding junk. Reading about it made me miss that feeling of anticipation and excitement. Man, that was a fun time.

I know making resolutions is hokey and stupid, but I've put some real thought into mine for 2008:

- Eat better... To be more specific, my goal is to eat breakfast, fruit, and vegetables every day. Not just those things obvi. But if I just concentrate on those aspects of my diet, I'm hoping my habits in general will improve. Plus I'm going with the idea that it's better to focus on the things I should do, instead of the things I shouldn't. If that makes any sense.

- Tone up... My goal is usually "lose weight, lose weight, lose weight!" But this year I'm concentrating on toning up. Honestly, if I stayed this weight and just tightened everything up all around, I'd be quite happy.

- Get into the routine of going to bed earlier... 10:30 is my goal, as opposed to my typical 11:30. Realistically though I should really shoot for 11:00. Some people can live happily on an average of 6-7 hours of sleep a night. I cannot.

- Cut the nights that I drink per week in half... Self-explanatory.

Here's to another great year!

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 15:09:04 GMT

For the first time in years, I'm glad the holiday season is over. Depression will probably kick in in a few weeks, but for now I'm relieved. I was sick the whole, ate and drank waaaay too much, and my body is officially waving the white flag. Enough already!

I called in sick yesterday, the day after Christmas. I know, huge professional faux pas to call in the day after a long weekend. But it had to be done. I spent the entire day in bed, except for the 10 minutes it took me to empty the dishwasher, and I took the dog out a few times. I was bundled up under the covers, nauseated and sweating out all the booze and greasy calories consumed over the previous 4-5 days. I feel better today. But the guilt of calling in still lingers.

Other than that grossness, the holiday weekend was a success. Christmas Eve at our house for Tony's fam, and then Christmas day at my sister's in Braintree. Lots of fun and family and feasting. Just what the holidays call for.

I'm ready to take on January. Thank god for timely 2-day work weeks!

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 19:36:54 GMT

Eating leftover beef stew my mom made. Infinitely better and more satisfying than the usual salad for lunch. I'm making everyone in the office jealous with the smell of this beefy goodness. Beefy goodness... gross. Yet so delicious. Thank you mom!

The holidays are in full swing and I am soaking it all in. Tree is up, decorations are hung, Oldies 103.3 is constantly playing their Christmas tunes. This past weekend was our immediate family Christmas, where my mom, my siblings and I shower the nieces and nephews with gifts. We gave up on exchanging gifts between adults a few years ago, and keep it all about the kids. Plus it gives us the chance to get together just us, as Christmas day is complete mayhem with all the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. The day has become a tradition that I love and look forward to every year. I can't imagine Christmas without it.

So we really have 3 Christmases. Immediate-Cawley Pre-Christmas, Salamone Christmas Eve, and Extended Cawley Christmas Day. Plus any other Christmas parties we may attend during the season (we have 2 this weekend!!). I love it!

What I don't love are the few extra holiday pounds I've already accumulated. And the impending post-holiday depression to follow. But until then I'm frickin Cindy Loo Who up in here!

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 18:12:14 GMT

This work day couldn't get much more boring, but that doesn't mean I have anything interesting to say. I started a thread on a message board about cereal.

So... Inspired by Sarah, who was inspired by... me. Actually. Yeah. Here is what I am wearing today:

Leopard print top. Mine is actually a button-down collared shirt with a tie at the waist, but this is the exact fit, sleeve-length, and pattern. When I put it on this morning I went "RAWR!"

Gray, wide-legged trousers. I swear, the top and bottom actually match, even though it doesn't look like it from these pics.

Black ankle boots with a pointed toe.

With my every day jewelry of wedding ring/band and diamond studs. And my hair is very curly. I'm looking very Jane of the Jungle goes to the Office.

Fascinating, huh? Have a great weekend everybody.

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 15:09:40 GMT

I'm a big fan of lists. I make a to-do list every morning for work. If I didn't, I would forget half the stuff that needs to be done. It's not as much a sign of order and efficiency, as much as it is a coping mechanism for all the gaps in this re-fried brain of mine. If it's not on my list, the project does not exist... Even if it really does. The work list is very very important.

During the year or so of wedding planning, I made lists upon lists of shit to get done, based on timeframe, location, status, category. I also had about 20 separate folders on my desktop with necessary documents, photographs, ideas. And then there was the binder too. The way in which all of this was organized was probably not the most straight-forward or methodical, but it served its purpose for me. It was all crucial to the success of the final product.

Still, I don't feel that I use The Mighty List to its full potential. I need to make it more a part of my every day, non-work life. I suffer from a lack of motivation in my personal life. If I just started a list, and stuck to it, I would get so much more done on nights and weekends . The past month or so I have created to-do lists of tasks to accomplish each week. While Tony was gone I tried to take it especially serious. These may look like silly little menial tasks to you all, but this is a pretty substantial undertaking for me:

To Do Week of 11/05/07
- thank you notes
- buy new shower mat and liner
- clean bathroom
- clean bedroom
- organize closet
- start drawing for x-mas gift
- start new painting
- pick up prescription
- pick up leaf bags
- start raking leaves in yard

And here's what it looks like today:

- thank you notes
- buy new shower mat and liner
- clean bathroom
- clean bedroom
- organize closet
- start drawing for x-mas gift
- start new painting
~~- pick up prescription~~
- pick up leaf bags
- start raking leaves in yard

I will say that I did START the thank you notes, and those will be an on-going project for weeks to come. So that's something. And I will not allow myself to cross something off unless it's completely done. Also, it was freeeeeezing out this week, so that's my excuse for not doing the leaves.

So, ya know.. It's not all that bad. But I'm hoping that when this becomes an every day practice, I can get a lot better at it in my personal life, and not feel like such a load all the time. Yes I said load. This is my pre-New Years resolution, of sorts.

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 16:18:31 GMT

Trying my best not to give in to the inevitable 'bad mood' of this day. It's dark outside and pouring rain, Tony left for HAWAII this morning without me (sales meeting... yes, in Hawaii), and Barkley has been sick for about a week now. Like, not eating, throwing up all over the place, diarrhea squirts kinda sick. Not a good scene.

So allow me to rehash some of the lovelier things in life, hmm?

- We flew out to Denver for a few days last week to watch the Red Sox clobber the Rockies and win a fancy pants lil' ol' trophy thing. Yeah. THAT was pretty cool. Check out the pics.

We also got to see some of the mountains while we were out there, due to the profound kindness of one of Tony's colleagues who lives there. It was beautiful and so much fun. I'm not a winter/snow/skiing/etc. kinda gal, but I love the outdoors and I can certainly appreciate the beauty of it all out there.

- This past weekend was spent eating amazing food at Tony's grandmother's house, hanging out with my niece and nephew, and wedding dress shopping with my sisters. Family-packed, as always. I am incredibly lucky.

- Lastnight, Tony took me out to the Capital Grille for our last night before he shipped out to the tropics. It was one of the best meals of my life. The waiter was super nice and helpful, obviously aware that it was our first time in such a fine establishment. The food was phenomenal (lobster mac and cheese... the BEST) and the atmosphere was intimate and relaxing. It lived up to the hype! And throughout the night Tony was the ultimate gentleman, opening doors, pushing my chair in, holding hands. He would constantly refer to me as "beautiful wife" and tell me how much he'll miss me. It's amazing what a little guilt can do! ;-)

So now I'm alone for the next week, suffering through this New England crap weather with a sick dog by my side. But I have a list of tasks to accomplish while Tony's gone and a full schedule for the weekend. He'll be home in no time. ::fingers crossed::

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:28:08 GMT

We finally got a coffee table. It's this one:
http://www.crateandbarrel.com/family.aspx?c=985&f=9979

We got it off craigslist for $100. It's beautiful... But it's absolutely gigantic. It's taking over our entire front room. I don't know what to do with it. Thinking of selling it for $150. Ha.

I am officially fatter than I have ever been. I gained the weight so quickly that I am physically and psychologically uncomfortable in my own skin. My face is the worst part. It's hitting me pretty hard today.

I trust that I can lose it no problem. But I am depressed and pissed off at myself for letting it get this bad. And for having to live in this body for the time being.

I wish I could spend the next few weeks alternating between bed and the gym. I don't want to see anyone or have anyone see me.

Well this is a pleasant return entry, huh. Go Red Sox?

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 19:20:42 GMT

No matter what mood I am in, Van Morrison's "Sweet Thing" will always pick me up. It reminds me of being up in the trees on the hills of St. John, watching the boats come in and out of the bay.

And I will stroll the merry way
And jump the hedges first
And I will drink the clear
Clean water for to quench my thirst
And I shall watch the ferry-boats
And they'll get high
On a bluer ocean
Against tomorrow's sky
And I will never grow so old again
And I will walk and talk
In gardens all wet with rain

Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
My, my, my, my, my sweet thing
And I shall drive my chariot
Down your streets and cry
'Hey, it's me, I'm dynamite
And I don't know why'
And you shall take me strongly
In your arms again
And I will not remember
That I even felt the pain.
We shall walk and talk
In gardens all misty and wet with rain
And I will never, never, never
Grow so old again.

Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
My, my, my, my, my sweet thing
And I will raise my hand up
Into the night time sky
And count the stars
That's shining in your eye
Just to dig it all an' not to wonder
That's just fine
And I'll be satisfied
Not to read in between the lines
And I will walk and talk
In gardens all wet with rain
And I will never, ever, ever, ever
Grow so old again.
Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
Sugar-baby with your champagne eyes
And your saint-like smile....

I could have just bolded the whole thing. But those are my favorite parts.

Oh and hey, still obsessed with St. John, obvi. I am currently on 2 different message boards pertaining to the US virgin islands. And last week I put down a deposit on our villa for one week in May. EEE!!! Life is pretty gray until then.

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 19:35:51 GMT

Like a good little suburban married couple, we had a yard sale a couple of weekends ago. It was very successful. In fact, it was so successful that by the end of it Tony was running around the house trying to find more things to sell. Two of those items he found were our coffee and end tables in the living room. At first I was hesitant. But then I realized that this would be a great opportunity to buy some new ones! Hurrah! They were hand-me-downs anyway.

So for the past 2 weeks we've been living without a coffee table. You don't realize how much you use it until it's gone. I've been on the hunt for some new ones without any luck. I've decided that either I have no specific taste, or that my taste is so specific that it's almost impossible to find what I'm looking for. I know that I don't want anything glass, wrought iron, round or oval, too detailed, heavy, clunky, fancy, shmancy, or pantsy. I'd also like it to be made out of real, nice wood. So basically like, a slab of wood with 4 legs. It's hard to find, I assure you.

Also, do you know how expensive real furniture is? Really expensive. I was hoping to stay within the $200-$300 for the 2 tables together. This is going to be damn near impossible to achieve.

Until I find my dream coffee table I will continue eating my suppers on an old folding TV tray. I'm not giving up and I won't settle!

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 20:04:19 GMT

Speaking of feeling like ass, drinking non-stop from noon to midnight will do that to you. Today is not a good day.

I've gained an incredible amount of weight since returning from the trip. I worked so hard for months and months. Now that I don't have anything specific to look good for, I've been pigging out like crazy and skipping the gym. Being sick hasn't helped matters. I need to get my shit together before it gets out of control. The extra weight affects so many aspects of my life, including my mood, my health, and my libido. Nobody wants to see a fatty with her clothes off, especially not the fatty herself.

This entry is depressing, despite having an excellent weekend. Hmph.

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 21:02:20 GMT

I've felt like ass for the past week and a half. I'm hoping this weekend will make it go away. Nothing is working.

I'd like to be able to take my head off like it's a helmet and wash it out thoroughly with a hose. And then at the same time I'd tip my neck over and drain out my throat and lungs. There's all kinds of gross stuff in me. It's thick and slimy and it's everywhere.

Jesus, I just had this like not even 3 months ago. Shitty immune system.

Really, I just need sleep. Like a good week of 8 hours a night and I'll be back to myself again. Dear god why do I need so much sleep to remain healthy? I am not normal.

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 15:52:30 GMT

Yesterday as I was getting ready for work I realized one of the worst possible things ever ever ever....

I didn't have my make-up bag.

In the weekend frenzy, I apparently left all my make-up at my sister's house in Braintree. This is devastating. Her house is not close enough to just swing by, so it will have to wait until the weekend. In the meantime, on my way to work yesterday I made a quick stop at the supermarket to pick up the bare essentials. I spent $50 and bought:
- foundation
- powder
- blush/bronzer
- eye-lash curler
- eye liner
- eye shadow
- mascara

And I still feel face-naked. I miss my MAC products desperately and I'm pissed that I spent $50 on stuff that I will likely just throw out after this week.

If anyone is in the market for some slightly used Neutrogena and Maybeline make-up products, let me know.

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:13:44 GMT

Despite spending most of yesterday in bed and sleeping a full 8.5 hours lastnight, I am utterly exhausted today. Not even the 2 cups of coffee (as opposed to my usual 1) can pick me up out of this stupor, and the tickle in my throat is a bad sign. But at least I can finally say...

The Sarah and Tony Wedding Tour 2007 is O - V - E - R.

:: roaring applause followed by sigh of relief ::

This weekend was our home reception in Marina Bay, followed by an all night bender at my sister's Braintree home. It all went off without a hitch. Everyone had a great time, the food and service at the WaterClub were spectacular, the view was to die for, and the weather was near perfect. The re-reading of the speeches was the hit of the day, in my opinion. Julia was precious, Janet made everyone cry (again!), and John was hilarious.

We kept it casual and light and untraditional. Throughout the whole process we stayed true to ourselves. I couldn't have asked for anything better. But damn I'm glad it's over.

The after party was where I finally got to breathe... literally and figuratively. The few pounds I put on since the real wedding made for a tight-fitting gown! My sister is a godsend for letting us use her house, and for organizing food, decorations, music, etc. She is the Martha Stewart of our family and I am so grateful to her.

A lot of us stayed up until 4:30am, chatting, and drinking, and swimming in the pool. The girls gossiped like hens and the boys almost came to blows... thrice times. Success! It was a great way to cap off everything.

Now I am free to get fat and frivolously spend money. Life is good.

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 13:12:37 GMT

My Irish twin little sister is getting married next year. She's marrying our old roommate who grew up with Tony. So we're all best friends, living within 5 minutes of eachother. Kinda neat, huh? Very neat, I say. The only thing that would be neater is if we lived on the South Shore instead. A girl can dream.

They found a place on the Cape and reserved a date. Already the downpayment, which only included the room rental, is more money than Tony and I spent on all aspects of our wedding... from the Dominican (trip, ceremony, reception), to the honeymoon in St. John, to the reception in Marina Bay. Yikes. Real weddings are nuts.

I'm proud of us for being able to pull it off the way we did on such a tight budget, while still keeping it classy (Well, we'll see. Marina Bay is Saturday). These days, you say "wedding" and vendors immediately double the price. It's insanity. And if you want to do it the traditional way, with a big family, it's almost impossible to keep the cost at a reasonable rate. Reasonable meaning under 10k... unheard of, btw.

I also know that the way we did it required much less attention to detail, less family input/involvement, and a lot of blind faith, so I get to see first hand the stresses of doing it the normal way. And of being a normal maid of honor. Oy vay. I'm really just worried about the speech. My sister made the most phenomenal speech at my first reception, it had us all blubbering so bad we were drooling all over ourselves. Think if I just copied hers word for word she'd notice?

Sorry, this is all over the place. I had a point. Weddings are expensive. Wow.. Fascinating observation, huh?

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 16:31:07 GMT

Barkley was put on antibiotics yesterday for a skin infection. I know it sounds gross, but he's fine. Just something we had to nip in the bud before his face fell off.

The antibiotics come in capsule form. A big plastic-y capsule that I should have known he would never take in a million years. Even if I stuck it in the most juicy, deliciously bloody piece of meat ever.. bite-sized so the whole thing fit in his mouth... he would find a way to eat around it, then spit out the pill and laugh in my face. Jerk.

Tony had the bright idea of ordering pizza, because there is nothing in this world Barkley likes more than pizza crust. It's the only time we ever feed him from the table. He recognizes the smell immediately and knows to sit down right in front of us and just wait it out.

It wasn't looking good lastnight, when despite wafting the open pizza box under his nose, Barkley simply raised an eyebrow and continued napping. Trips to the vet take a lot out of him, but come on! It's PIZZA CRUST! This was unprecedented.

Tony finally lured him out of his sleep with a lone pepperoni, a very rare treat for him. That got him interested. He finally got up and sat in his usual spot. So we tried it right off, put the capsule in a piece of crust with a pepperoni wrapped around it. This... might... work.

But no. As he crunched away, we heard the snap of the capsule breaking, and then he gagged and I swear, he went "AAHTOOEY!", spitting everything out, including a poof of powder that went evvvverywhere. Yeah, he's never going to trust us again.

We've resorted to breaking the capsule and sprinkling the antibiotic dust over his dinner, which, surprisingly, he ate in full. I just hope we're not somehow destroying the power of the medicine by feeding it to him this way.

Oh my dear puppy, when will you die already?

I kid. Of course. He's my baby.

But really.. when? I love you, but 14 years is enough, dude.

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 20:16:35 GMT

I used to faint from time to time growing up. There were 2 different kinds:

- Getting up too fast faint
I know everyone gets a little light-headed when they stand up after laying down for a while. But I would full-on pass out after just sitting on the couch. Sometimes I could feel it coming on and immediately get back down, and then it felt kinda cool... like a drug. But many times it happened so fast, I just fell. That one, not so cool. I've dented many a radiator, coffee table, stairway landing in my day. With my head.

and

- The sick faint
This is the bad one. The feeling is so distinct ... I get horribly sick to my stomach, break out into a cold, dripping sweat on my face, the blood drains from my head and it feels hollow, but heavy. It's lasts longer and it's much more disorienting than the other kind.

One particularly embarrassing occurrence was in the hallway outside of French class in 7th grade. I woke up on the ground to see the sideways face of my classmate asking if I was okay, with everyone else freaking out around her including the flakey teacher. Come in the next day to rumors of me being anorexic and/or dying of AIDS. Ahh junior high.

They did tests on my brain, heart, blood pressure, blah blah. Nothing. And towards the end of high school the spells waned and I eventually grew out of them entirely.

But lastnight those old familiar symptoms came back for the first time in a decade or so. I was at the gym, stretching on a matt after my run, and it hit me. The sick feeling, cold sweats, stomach pains, empty head. I immedately panicked, knowing what could potentially happen next. I tracked down Tony and told him, "We have to leave... now."

It was scary, but I got home fine, "got rid of" whatever was in my stomach that had been bothering me, and went to bed. I woke up alive this morning, so that's a good thing. Waking up dead would have sucked.

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:25:18 GMT

The 2 most repeated and most obnoxious post-wedding questions:

1. How's married life?
My standard answer -- So far, so good!
What I'm really thinking -- Um hi, it's been like 10 minutes. It's no different than the 6 years we've been living together already. Ask me in a few years, by when I will have likely screwed everything up, and I'll let you know.

2. So what's your new last name?
This might not be annoying to your run-of-the-mill newlywed wife, but I'm not 'normal.' Cuz I'm not changing my name. The responses to that answer have been varied. Sometimes I'll get, "Oh," and sort of a blank stare like they don't want to say something wrong. I get a lot of people asking if I'll hyphenate... to which I casually respond, no. There have been a couple "good for you!"'s, which are nice. And every time, I feel like I have to give some kind of a reason for this choice, whether requested or not. After several attempts of doing this, I have it down to 2 potential explanations:

"It's not my thing."
and/or
"I like my name."

Although this doesn't fully explain my strong feelings on the issue, both statements are true. And they don't offend anyone.

But I don't care who I offend here. ;-) So I'll try to keep it brief...

For as long as I can remember I have been baffled by the concept of the female having to give up her name, while the male doesn't have to do shit. I recall as a young girl asking my mother about it, and her response was that it was tradition. I asked her, "But who decided that? Why does it have to be that way?" I was an annoying kid, what can I say.

Any time a married couple is referred to as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (or the like), I am infuriated. Where'd the wife go? You get married and all of a sudden your whole name disappears to a simple, nondescript, characterless, "Mrs." Mrs. Someone Else. While the man remains who he always was. I don't get it.

Even today, in our somewhat evolved society where keeping my name is not totally out of the ordinary, the mere suggestion of the man changing or hyphenating his name is scoffed at. I've seen the scoffing first hand... multiple times. "OMG, can you imagine if Tony took Sarah's name?! HAHA"

Well why the hell not? I like my name.

And I realize that I may have a stronger connection to my last name because it was my father's, and I want to keep his memory alive. But I also know it's more than that. And that I'm right about this. I wish more people would stop to think about it.

I'm still getting used to all the mail we're already getting for Anthony and Sarah Salamone. I'll have to learn to shake it off, because it's going to happen for the rest of our married life together. Let's hope I learn. So far it's pretty tough.

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 20:56:41 GMT

Hi. I'm here. Unfortunately. I wish I was back there. Oh well. Reality's a bitch.

Did you hear? I got married. See?:

What else, what else...

That's pretty much it. Tons of pictures and stories and details to come. To sum it up, I could haven't asked for a more perfect wedding or a more perfect week away with friends and family, and then a more PERFECT week away with Tony in the virgin islands (not anymore, HIYO!! .. hmph).

My first day back at work was spent mostly catching up with coworkers, emailing family, sorting through pictures, etc. And maybe an hour or so of real work. It's been a busy one.

Promise to catch up this week.

Thu, 24 May 2007 15:44:38 GMT

It's here, folks.

And by "it" I mean a giant volcanic pimple on my chin that I knew would arrive just in time for the trip. Welcome Pimps! (I named it Pimps.) Settle in, put your feet up! Throb away like a big ol' bruise, go on and turn niiiice and red, and then fill up with all that white stuff until you develop lips and can scream "Pop me! POP MEEE!"

Life is awesome like that. Sigh.

At least I've already checked out of work completely. Oh I'll still come in until Friday. But in my mind, I'm already gone. I've been stretching out the same 2 minor projects since the beginning of the week. I'm thinking 1-2 more days can't hurt.

I still feel like I've been working at work though. Between the constant flow of emails with family, putting together info packets, music playlists, itineraries, etc... I can't say I've had any down time.

Lastnight I took a moment to de-stress and go shopping for fancy drawers at Victoria's Secret. It was a much needed break. I spent way too much money, but got a bunch of beautiful (and sexy, of course) pieces that I adore. No buyer's remorse here! And I'm sure that despite his annoyance at my spending habits, Tony will surely appreciate my purchases. ;-)

We're down to the wire now. Leaving on Sunday. Eek. I'm just praying that everything goes smoothly.

Fri, 18 May 2007 15:38:58 GMT

So hey, what's up, I'm gonna be someone's wife in less than 2 weeks.

It's okay, I'm just in it for the pretty jewelry. Don't tell Tony.

Mildly freaking out. About weird things. Like having kids. Does every bride freak out about having kids right before their wedding? I would like know this. Cuz I think it's odd.

I guess it's cuz traditionally, that's why people get married. To start a family unit... mommy, daddy, 2.5 kids, dog, cat, etc. And I should probably know by now if that's something that I even want, right? So that's why I'm freaking out, I don't know. I don't know. You get engaged and the obvious next step is getting married, duh. And you get married and it's next step: BABIES! That's how it works, right? Babies are... a whole new ball of wax.

What it comes down to is I don't want to poop on the delivery table. That's the heart of it all, my friends.

I'm kidding, although that does sound like just about the most unpleasant thing ever. Truthfully, for me, having kids means you can't ever go crazy. Like, going off the deep end is not an option because there's this other human who relies on you for absolutely every single tiny/monumental thing in their life.

I'm not saying I plan on or expect to lose my marbles at any point... ever, pretty much. But it's nice to have that option, ya know? And to not have the seemingly inevitable craziness fuck up the development of another person forever.

Just having the daily option of madness keeps me sane.

A person who thinks like this should probably not be having babies. Right?

Okay, task at hand, self -- Stop freaking out about irrelevant shit and get everything done that needs to be done before you're off to the islands for 12 days, one of which includes sealing the biggest deal you'll ever seal in your life. K? Mmk.

9 days 'til we leave! K, yup, still breathing. All is well.