I usually check the status of my bank accounts on a daily basis.  But the past few days I've been reluctant to look, like watching a scary movie through splayed fingers.  Depleted.  Deflated.  Drained.  Such sad words... But for a happy cause.  T and I bought the house we've been renting for the past 5 years.  We're homeowners now!  How very adult of us.

I think because we're already well settled in, everything's decorated, and we didn't have to do any moving-of-the-things, it was sort of an anti-climactic experience.  We signed the papers a few mornings ago and then we went to work.  When we both came home it didn't feel any different.  That house has been home for a long time. 

So now instead of paying rent to the landlords (T's parents), we'll be writing checks to the bank.  Much heftier checks, but we'll get used to it.  And I'll get used to the feeling of not being able to pick up and leave at the drop of a hat because I've got these "responsibilities" and "debt coming out my ears."  Not that I would ever up and leave... and move to the islands and live in a tent on the beach and sell beaded necklaces to tourists.  That thought never crossed my mind.  Oh no, never.  

;-)

GOTTA PAY THE MORTGAGGGE!

I haven't updated in a long time.  I had to look back to see where I left off.

Ahh yes... The broken ankle adventures.  Well, the ankle is still mending, but it's a lot better now that it's had 8 weeks to heal.  4 weeks on crutches, then limping around with the brace.  And now I'm weaning myself off the brace.  I have to say, health insurance is pretty awesome.  I go to a physical therapist twice a week who really kicks my ass into shape.  Or ankle, as it were.  Lately it's been like a full gym workout, with lots of time on the treadmill and jumping around.  Sweating and panting as a well-built gentleman sits there watching you hop on one leg... there's really nothing like it.

I had enough time to heal so that I could leave the crutches at home for our 1-year anniversary vacation:
http://photobucket.com/STJ2008

It's been 10 days since we returned... and the depression of coming back to reality has not subsided.  The last few days it has actually gotten worse.  I want to wear a bathing suit and flip flops every day, I want to hike through woods with the bugs and the birds, I want to be dirty and sweaty, I want to work on a boat on the waves serving happy people drinks, I want everything to be a 10-minute drive away.

This wearing real clothes, driving in traffic on highways, sitting at desks in air conditioning... It feels wrong.  That's the best word for it.  And there's no way out.  I have to keep reminding myself that I do this so that I can go to the places that feel right.  This is what people do.  This is life.

Once I start planning a new trip, things will feel better again.

It has been a trying couple of weeks.  A seemingly simple project at work has been stressing me out to limits I promised myself I would never reach again.  And on the day it was due to be completed I broke my ankle.  Loooovvvvely.

Inspired by the Biggest Loser season finale (go Ali!), and with a trip to St. John looming dangerously close, I decided to start running in the mornings to get my metabolism going, instead of in the evenings.  I have attempted to talk myself into this many times in the past, but this time I was really gonna do it.  SWEAR!

Amazingly.. I did.  On a gorgeous Wednesday morning I got up at 6:30am and started my usual 3 mile jog.  It was a little chillier than I'm used to, and I was still a little groggy from sleep, but I was doing it.  And it felt good.  I got to this short but brutal hill... When I say brutal, I mean it.  It's almost impossible to run up this thing, the degree of the angle is so extreme.  So I usually walk it.  But this time, I was going to run it!  GIRL POWER!  Just before I started my ascent up this wall of concrete... CRACK!  My left ankle rolled over, and that was the horrible cringe-worthy sound it made.

Oh shit.

A flame of adrenaline shocked my whole body.  I knew immediately that I was fucked.  I can't really remember it, but I somehow walked up that hill, frantically trying to get home.  I continued walking, and at some point my senses came back to me... along with the pain.  Oh god, the pain.  All in all, I walked about 100 yards to the main road where I saw one of my neighbors doing yard work.  (Yard work at 7am?  Thank you, guardian angel.)  Kindly, he offered me a ride and I took it.  I was only about 6 houses away from mine, but there was no way I was going to make it.

After about 2 hours in the ER, the doctor told me it was a broken fibula... to my complete surprise.  I really just thought it was a bad sprain due to the lack of severe swelling.  I was so convinced of it, that I thought he was fucking with me when he said, "Well, there's a break."  I even laughed in his face!

I went to see an orthopedist and she confirmed.  I needed to hear it from someone else, just in case.  She also confirmed that the "sprained ankle" I had 2 years ago was likely a broken bone also.  At the time I did not have insurance and never got it checked out.  But that one was more painful than this one.  So I'm not surprised to hear it was probably broken.

2 broken ankles in 2 years.   I need to wrap myself in bubble wrap and sit on the couch.

One of my favorite days of the entire year is tomorrow... The Red Sox home opener!!  I am feeling like a little kid on Christmas eve.  Like I could just jump out of my skin, I'm so excited.  Funny what a few months can do.

There is no way to put this that doesn't make me sound like an ungrateful snob, but by October of last year I was pretty burnt out on Fenway.  WAAAHH, I know.  We're lucky enough to have a ticket package that includes all post-season games, which is awesome in theory.  And in reality.  But what it comes down to is 8-10 games in a matter of 3 weeks.  Some weekend nights, some weeknights, with no game starting earlier than 8:00pm... Usually more like 8:30pm.   By 11:00pm, I was like... Can we go?  Of course we can't GO.  The Red Sox are making a run for another World Series victory, and I wanna go.  Hmph.  I was still invested in the games, sure.  I just wanted to be invested from my bed.

After a simultaneously glorious and gut-wrenching Patriots season, a suprisingly exciting Celtics 1st half, and the oversaturation of college hoops in March... I am recharged and ready for baseball season.

The plan is to head into town early to find parking.  Walk around the city to enjoy the buzz of the day and the luxury of not being at work.  Park ourselves at one of our usual bars for a couple hours, and then head into the Park for the festivities.  Weather is going to be chilly, but sunny.  I don't care.  I'm just so excited to wake up tomorrow!!

Lastnight I had a very vivid dream that Tony and I found out I was pregnant.  We looked at eachother like, "Wow, that was easy."  We weren't scared or panicked.  We were grateful.  I was wading in the blue waters of St. John with a little belly pooching out over the top of my bikini bottoms.  Tony had his arms around me.  We were happy and peaceful and warm.

I woke up and had to tell him right away.  He responded, "I think I just threw up."

Ahh reality.  It's a real kick in the nuts.

Happy new year!!

I hope everyone had a fantastic New Year's Eve.  Mine was spent at home with my 6 closest buddies, playing Rock Band all night.  For those who don't know, the controllers for the game are a drum set, a guitar, and a microphone.  It's basically like karaoke with a full band.  That game is FUN.  But anyway, the only thing that was different than a typical Saturday night was that we took a 5 minute break to do the countdown, champagne toast thing.  It was a good time.

I just spent a few minutes going through all my entries from 2007.  What a year.  Everything was pretty frantic for the first 6 months or so with all the wedding junk.  Reading about it made me miss that feeling of anticipation and excitement.  Man, that was a fun time.

I know making resolutions is hokey and stupid, but I've put some real thought into mine for 2008:

- Eat better... To be more specific, my goal is to eat breakfast, fruit, and vegetables every day. Not just those things obvi. But if I just concentrate on those aspects of my diet, I'm hoping my habits in general will improve. Plus I'm going with the idea that it's better to focus on the things I should do, instead of the things I shouldn't. If that makes any sense.

- Tone up... My goal is usually "lose weight, lose weight, lose weight!" But this year I'm concentrating on toning up. Honestly, if I stayed this weight and just tightened everything up all around, I'd be quite happy.

- Get into the routine of going to bed earlier... 10:30 is my goal, as opposed to my typical 11:30. Realistically though I should really shoot for 11:00. Some people can live happily on an average of 6-7 hours of sleep a night. I cannot.

- Cut the nights that I drink per week in half... Self-explanatory.

Here's to another great year!

For the first time in years, I'm glad the holiday season is over.  Depression will probably kick in in a few weeks, but for now I'm relieved.  I was sick the whole, ate and drank waaaay too much, and my body is officially waving the white flag.  Enough already!

I called in sick yesterday, the day after Christmas.  I know, huge professional faux pas to call in the day after a long weekend.  But it had to be done.  I spent the entire day in bed, except for the 10 minutes it took me to empty the dishwasher, and I took the dog out a few times.  I was bundled up under the covers, nauseated and sweating out all the booze and greasy calories consumed over the previous 4-5 days.  I feel better today.  But the guilt of calling in still lingers.

Other than that grossness, the holiday weekend was a success.  Christmas Eve at our house for Tony's fam, and then Christmas day at my sister's in Braintree.  Lots of fun and family and feasting.  Just what the holidays call for.

I'm ready to take on January.  Thank god for timely 2-day work weeks!

Eating leftover beef stew my mom made.  Infinitely better and more satisfying than the usual salad for lunch.  I'm making everyone in the office jealous with the smell of this beefy goodness.  Beefy goodness... gross.  Yet so delicious.  Thank you mom! 

The holidays are in full swing and I am soaking it all in.  Tree is up, decorations are hung, Oldies 103.3 is constantly playing their Christmas tunes.  This past weekend was our immediate family Christmas, where my mom, my siblings and I shower the nieces and nephews with gifts.  We gave up on exchanging gifts between adults a few years ago, and keep it all about the kids.  Plus it gives us the chance to get together just us, as Christmas day is complete mayhem with all the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.  The day has become a tradition that I love and look forward to every year.  I can't imagine Christmas without it.

So we really have 3 Christmases.  Immediate-Cawley Pre-Christmas, Salamone Christmas Eve, and Extended Cawley Christmas Day.  Plus any other Christmas parties we may attend during the season (we have 2 this weekend!!).  I love it!

What I don't love are the few extra holiday pounds I've already accumulated.  And the impending post-holiday depression to follow.  But until then I'm frickin Cindy Loo Who up in here!

This work day couldn't get much more boring, but that doesn't mean I have anything interesting to say.  I started a thread on a message board about cereal.

So... Inspired by Sarah, who was inspired by... me.  Actually.  Yeah.  Here is what I am wearing today:


Leopard print top.  Mine is actually a button-down collared shirt with a tie at the waist, but this is the exact fit, sleeve-length, and pattern.  When I put it on this morning I went "RAWR!"



Gray, wide-legged trousers.  I swear, the top and bottom actually match, even though it doesn't look like it from these pics.


Black ankle boots with a pointed toe.

With my every day jewelry of wedding ring/band and diamond studs.  And my hair is very curly.   I'm looking very Jane of the Jungle goes to the Office. 

Fascinating, huh?  Have a great weekend everybody. 

I'm a big fan of lists.  I make a to-do list every morning for work.  If I didn't, I would forget half the stuff that needs to be done.  It's not as much a sign of order and efficiency, as much as it is a coping mechanism for all the gaps in this re-fried brain of mine.  If it's not on my list, the project does not exist... Even if it really does.  The work list is very very important. 

During the year or so of wedding planning, I made lists upon lists of shit to get done, based on timeframe, location, status, category.  I also had about 20 separate folders on my desktop with necessary documents, photographs, ideas.  And then there was the binder too.  The way in which all of this was organized was probably not the most straight-forward or methodical, but it served its purpose for me.  It was all crucial to the success of the final product.

Still, I don't feel that I use The Mighty List to its full potential.  I need to make it more a part of my every day, non-work life.  I suffer from a lack of motivation in my personal life.  If I just started a list, and stuck to it, I would get so much more done on nights and weekends .  The past month or so I have created to-do lists of tasks to accomplish each week.  While Tony was gone I tried to take it especially serious.  These may look like silly little menial tasks to you all, but this is a pretty substantial undertaking for me:

To Do Week of 11/05/07
- thank you notes
- buy new shower mat and liner
- clean bathroom
- clean bedroom
- organize closet
- start drawing for x-mas gift
- start new painting
- pick up prescription
- pick up leaf bags
- start raking leaves in yard

And here's what it looks like today:

- thank you notes
- buy new shower mat and liner
- clean bathroom
- clean bedroom
- organize closet
- start drawing for x-mas gift
- start new painting
- pick up prescription
- pick up leaf bags
- start raking leaves in yard

I will say that I did START the thank you notes, and those will be an on-going project for weeks to come.  So that's something.  And I will not allow myself to cross something off unless it's completely done.  Also, it was freeeeeezing out this week, so that's my excuse for not doing the leaves.

So, ya know.. It's not all that bad.  But I'm hoping that when this becomes an every day practice, I can get a lot better at it in my personal life, and not feel like such a load all the time.  Yes I said load.  This is my pre-New Years resolution, of sorts.